"Landmark Transitions" Guest Post by Scott Couchenour

We read a lot about Work/Life Balance in articles these days. For some, it means a seamless transition from a work mindset to a life mindset, depending on what's appropriate at the time.

One way I accomplish this aspect of balance is by selecting a landmark on my commute home from work. On my way home, there is a bridge I cross over an interstate. This part of my commute is about 4 minutes from my doorstep. While on the bridge, I mentally close the door to work and begin thinking of my wife, my daughter in college, and my teenage son. I pick out something about each one of them (something they like, or fear, or are interested in) and dwell on that for the remainder of my commute (about 4 minutes or so). I try to EMPTY my mind of work-related stuff and FILL my mind with family.

Now, before I go any further, I must confess this is a struggle for me at times. I forget. If I'm not careful, I can bring work right into the house with me and my wife can see work smeared all over my face. But when I remember to transition, it does wonders for my family life.

This is possible to do, whether your commute is 5 minutes or an hour. If your work and life have the same location (in other words, if you are a caregiver to someone in your home), you may need to "create a commute" by taking a drive or walk outside and selecting a landmark to trigger your transition before you circle back home.

What's going to be your landmark? How are you going to use it to make a significant transition? Remember, a balanced life has a greater impact.

by Scott Couchenour, Certified Life Coach
Promoting Balance in People Helping
www.servingstrong.com
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The Caregiver's Bandwidth - Guest Post by Scott Couchenor of ServingStrong.com

I was talking with a friend the other day. He was describing the difficulty in explaining computers to his mother. She has a dial up connection to the internet (very slow). But her idea is to buy a faster computer. My friend is trying to explain why that won't work.

Why won't a faster computer increase the speed of a dial up connection to the internet? Bandwidth. Bandwidth is like a roadway. The bandwidth on a dial up connection is like a narrow country road with the occasional one-lane bridge. In comparison, "high speed internet" (like cable, DSL, T1) is more like a 10-lane freeway. Now imagine thousands of cars trying to get to their destination. Imagine how much faster the traffic would flow on the freeway compared to the country road. That's bandwidth - the lines of connection from your computer to the internet, not the processor inside your computer.

Therefore, it doesn't matter how fast your processor is. If the information flowing from your computer to the internet is going over dial up lines, you will simply have to wait. Okay, so what does bandwidth have to do with serving others effectively?

Bandwidth and Self Care

Think of "bandwidth" as the capacity to serve with effectiveness and focus. Think of self care as the way to keep bandwidth like high speed. In other words, the better the self care, the greater the capacity to care for others. Let me explain...

Let's enter into the life of Fred (imaginary name). Fred is a cargiver. He does all the things that we normally imagine a caregiver to do. But Fred isn't feeling well. In fact, he's carried a virus for several weeks now. He has coughing fits that interrupt conversations. He is on a routine diet of Tylenol as he continuously battles headaches. Fred is distracted. He's listening to a person who is talking to him. At least he's trying to listen. But the headache and coughing are keeping him from focusing on the person's issues.

Fred's bandwidth (his capacity to be fully present) is like dial up. It's slow. His capacity to serve is small. His focus is almost non-existent. Fred needs to take care of himself. He needs to see a doctor to get the right medicine to put the headaches and coughing to rest. Without the headaches and coughing, Fred would be able to stay focused when he's caring for others.

How's YOUR bandwidth today? Are you investing in the routines you need to keep your capacity of service as high as it can be? Take care of yourself and you'll be Serving Strong!

By Scott Couchenour, Certified Life Coach, Guest Blogger
Promoting Balanced People Helpers
www.servingstrong.com
www.servingstrong.typepad.com

Guest Post from Scott Couchenour - Balancing Bad News With Positive

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF BAD NEWS

I am amazed at how much media airtime real estate is consumed by bad things that have happened. Recently I was listening to the radio in my car. Within a 30-second spot, I learned a baby was left on a doorstep (umbilical cord still wrapped around its neck), a man was sentenced to death for killing someone, the body of a woman was found in a lake - apparently raped and strangled, and two retired policemen were killed by a man as they worked for an armored car company while servicing an ATM.

What kind of impact is that having on us as we care for others? What is the psychological impact of bad news?

An article in the Harvard Business Review (October 2007) entitled "Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time" points to the importance of the emotions and quality of energy. The authors point out,

"Most people realize that they tend to perform best when they're feeling positive energy. Confronted with relentless demands and unexpected challenges, people tend to slip into negative emotions - the fight-or-flight mode - often multiple times in a day."

Listening constantly to bad news can diminish the impact of people who care for others. It enhances a low emotional state. It robs us of the kind of optimism described in the Stockdale Paradox (what Jim Collins speaks of in his book, Good to Great):

"Confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be AND at the same time, retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties."

News media is part of our existence. What are YOU doing to retain an appropriate emotional state as you care for others?

Try this: For every negative piece of news, come up with at least two positive things to keep balance. Try complimenting someone. List your blessings. Look for the good in someone. Think of a time when you accomplished something. Smile at a stranger.

I'm not talking about ignoring the woes of our fallen world. I'm talking about keeping perspective to be the best benefit to those who need us to be there for them.

By guest blogger: Scott Couchenour, Certified Life Coach
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Scott A. Couchenour, Certified Life Coach
Coaching for Ministry Balance

Guest Post: ServingStrong.com 's Scott Couchenour, Certified Life Coach, on Self-Care for Those Who Serve Others

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was a young teenager. I was on my way home from my girlfriend's house. She lived about an hour away. I had seen the oil light come on at the dashboard days before. I just figured I would get more oil when I got the chance. Besides, the light would go out occasionally. So I thought I had more time.

But on my way home from my girlfriend's house that day, the light came on and stayed on. I was still 20 minutes from home. "I'll take care of it when I get home," I reasoned with myself (and unfortunately, self agreed.)

Then this terrible banging started. It was loud. It wouldn't stop. I drove home with the sound. It seemed to get worse as I accelerated. Long story short -- I blew the entire engine of my Honda Civic. The loud banging sound I heard was the engine tearing itself apart because there was no oil to absorb the friction between the moving parts within the engine casing. Hmmmm. Imagine that. (By the way, thanks to my Dad for bailing me out and helping me with the new engine.)
So what does this story have to do with taking care of ourselves as we serve others?

Oil = Self Care

Oil. It's the substance which absorbs friction of moving parts. It helps ensure long engine life. There are 2 things about oil that we need to remember: 1) It must be clean; 2) There must be enough of it. This requires periodically checking the quality and level - changing the oil when necessary.

Self Care. It's the activity which absorbs friction of serving others. It helps ensure a strong finish. There are 2 things about self care we need to remember:

1) It must be tailored to who you are;

2) There must be enough of it. This requires periodically checking the quality and frequency - making adjustments along the way when necessary.

So, how's your serving "engine"? Are you checking your "oil" frequently enough? What's the level? What's the quality? Or is your life too jam packed with activity that you're reasoning with yourself, saying, "I'll take care of myself when my schedule slows down." Be careful. You may tear yourself apart.

If we take care of self, self will Serve Strong!Scott Couchenour, Certified Life CoachPromoting Ministry Balancewww.servingstrong.com