Bereavement Series: Loss is Multifaceted

I recently lost someone very dear to me. The grief is multifaceted. Sharp pains of loss. Relief that my loved one did not suffer a long agonizing illness. Shock that one day I was speaking and touching my loved one and the next I was praying by his body. A sense of disorientation. Did this really happen? It has a dreamlike quality. Spiritual beliefs and philosophies are a source of comfort but of questions too.

It is said that in every tragedy is a seed of opportunity. After a loss one can memorialize the loved one by making the world a better place through compassionate, charitable and humanitarian efforts.

Through our lives the grief and losses change us and change the courses of our lives. Careers, activities and beliefs often change when we lose a close loved one.

Love is eternal. Our love for the one who is gone goes on. Spreading that love meaningfully by making the world a better, more caring place is one of the healing steps we can take during grieving.

Comfort for Those Grieving the Loss of a Dear Loved One

Christmas and Bereavement

Coping with the loss of a loved one and with holidays at the same time can be one of the most isolating and painful situations. While red bows and words of joy are part of the decorations everywhere, the grieving person feels many mixed emotions. People who are bereaved can feel pain over loss, sometimes guilt over being here without the loved one, relief that someone is no longer suffering, and isolation from the cheerful shoppers and festive music and events. It can be a roller coaster emotionally.

Hospice all over America provides workshops as the holidays are coming up to help bereaved people cope. There are grief groups for every type of loss. In a typical group each member might introduce herself or himself, and describe the loss and the loved one. Facilitators from Hospice provide guidance. It's a time to open up with others who have also experienced a loss and who will understand.

Each loss is completely different. Everything in the groups is confidential, so members feel free to share safely. There is no judging, just unconditional acceptance and listening. Sharing with a group helps to relieve the tension, stress and pain of the grief and people are able to work through the grief.

When the loss of a loved one has occurred during the Autumn or early Winter the comparison of the pain of loss and the festivities make it especially difficult to cope, for many people. Hospice provides a place that is a safe haven for sharing with others, and individual counseling is available also.

Caregivers Who Are Grieving Can Turn to Hospice for Grief Support

• In 1996 when my husband died from cancer, I was not aware of the many types of bereavement groups, educational activities, and counseling that are available from Hospice. Today, I'm very familiar with our local Hospice in San Luis Obispo , California, both from my own experience and from my work.
  
  Family members, caregivers and friends who are grieving can go to the website for the Hospice Foundation to locate a Hospice nearby for grief support. Hospice of San Luis Obispo County is located at 1304 Pacific Street, San Luis Obispo, CA 93401, and the phone number is (805) 544-2266 or (805) 434-1164. The website is at hospiceslo.org.
  
  The variety of grief support programs range from special events to prepare for getting through the holidays without a loved one, to multi-cultural events such as Dia De Los Muertos, which is Mexico's Day of the Dead, and is a little bit similar to a different version of All Saints Day.
  
  The Hospice of San Luis Obispo County is in a beautiful, large, old, craftsman style house, almost a mansion, and the warmth and friendliness of bygone days seems to provide an uplift when you go in the door. A variety of poetry books sit on an antique table as you walk over to the receptionist. A wide range of original art representing different ethnic backgrounds decorates the walls, and it's the kind of place where everyone feels comfortable.
  
  There is no charge for attending Grief Groups or for individual counseling, but a donation to show gratitude is always welcome.
  
  The grief groups include general grief groups for walk-ins, widow and widower groups, pet grief groups, and other specialized groups. Counselors are available to provide individual grief counseling as well.
  
  A notebook full of helpful leaflets about grieving is provided and across from the receptionist is a library full of related books that you can check out.
  
  One of the leaflets is titled "The After Loss Credo" and starts with the following.
  
  "I need to talk about my loss.
  I may often need to tell you what happened or to ask you why it happened.
  Each time I discuss my loss I am helping myself...
  I need to know that you care about me.
  I need to feel your touch, your hugs,
  I need you just to be with me."
  
  Another leaflet is titled "Please, See Me Through My Tears" and begins like this.
  
  "You asked, "How are you doing?" As I told you, tears came to my eyes. You immediately began to talk again, your eyes looked away from me, your speech picked up, and all the attention you had given me went away."
  
  Features and expressions of grief are described elsewhere, including physical symptoms/sensations, emotional responses, cognitive responses, and behaviors.
  
  Steps of grieving, grief rituals, and coping with grief are titles of other topics covered in the notebook packet. One page is titled, "There is no timetable for recovering from grief." It's important to understand that each person's grief is different. No two people will grieve alike.
  
  Hospice Grief Programs provide a place where it is safe for bereaved people to talk and express their feelings with others who are grieving. It's a safe haven, and a place to share. Hearing how others are coping can help each individual navigate the grief process.