Empathy - A Healing Art That Forms Bonds

Have you wondered lately how you would feel if you were in someone else's place? Of course, especially if you are a caregiver. Good caregivers are often naturally empathetic. Intuitively sensing how someone else is feeling, emotionally or physically, is part of empathy. Acknowledging, instead of ignoring, someone else's feelings makes the person feel that someone understands, someone "gets it." It makes someone feel that others care.

When I managed a psychiatric office for twenty years, often I would hear patients say to the doctor, who was also my husband, "Gee Doc, you really 'get it,' but no one else understands me." This would be because some form of acknowledgement of the person's feelings had been made.

Listening with empathy is a common topic that is discussed in communication classes, and it's often described as reflective listening. Carl Rogers, author of "Client Centered Therapy" referred to "sensitive reflection and clarification."

Noticing the nonverbal signals, observing details of the situation, and untuitively sensing what is happening in someone else's world help provide clues when someone is not putting it into words.

Recently I arrived to assist an elderly senior, and found out that she had fallen in the home a few days earlier. The emergency room had not found any broken bones, and so she was sent home. When I arrived I could see she was in a lot of pain, but the caregivers said she was refusing medication or further help. I knew she was a strong, independent person. I said, "I can see you are really hurting, even though I know you're always stoic and you don't like to complain. " She opened up to talking to me. We made another trip to see a doctor so that something could be done for the pain.


In Spanish there is a saying that friends who share and trust are "simpatico." They are "reading from the same page." Empathy leads to "simpatico."

Exercise, Gingerbread, and Visits for a Senior with Alzheimer's

One of my favorite activities with a senior who had Alzheimer's was when we combined a walking exercise routine with a trip to bring gingerbread (with whipped cream) to the neighbors for visits. Who said exercise had to be dull? This way an elderly senior had a pleasant recreational time that provided motivation. Cooking the gingerbread, interacting socially with the neighbors, and enjoying companionship made it a good day for a senior who might otherwise have sat alone at home in front of a television. The gingerbread visits became part of the weekly activities, and the elderly neighbors recipricated.

Some of my favorite times assisting seniors who had Alzheimers have been when we went walking in the neighborhood or for outings. Apart from the relaxation and pleasure there are many benefits to exercise for the person who has Alzheimer's, and the caregiver can enjoy the exercise too. Understanding the activities recommended and following directions from medical personnel are important when assisting someone with Alzheimer's or Dementia. At alzinfo.org you can read about the benefits of light exercise and walking. Exercise helps with the following : (1) maintaining independence (2) reducing wandering, aggression, and agitation (3) increasing mobility. It also can be part of the recreational activities that add pleasure to the day.

When paid caregivers provide care at the home for someone who has Alzheimer's and who lives alone, medical professionals can recommend exercise types and amounts. Often a frail elderly person who lives alone watches television for much of the day. A daily routine that includes light exercise, as recommended by medical professionals, can be part of the caregiving.

Some of my favorite activities with seniors include going outside for a walk on a nice day and looking at the neighborhood gardens. In my area there are a lot of fruit trees and the climate is mild. Going out to pick oranges, apples, persimmons or figs from trees in the backyard has been something I've done with many seniors, depending what fruit trees they have planted.

Sometimes seniors with Alzheimer's or Dementia have lost interest in getting up from their chair to go for a walk, but I try to think of something that will appeal to their personal interests to provide motivation.

With another senior, who was 96 years old and on a walker, I used to walk down a long driveway in the countryside to the mailbox and to pick up the newspaper each day. We also went out for shopping trips, visits to the beauty parlor, scenic drives, errands, and church activities.

Physical therapists have hand-outs and leaflets available of exercises that non-ambulatory people can do while sitting in a chair. The physical therapist can make an evaluation and recommend a routine of walking, and other exercises.

For example, sometimes it is recommended that a person who watches television from a recliner be encouraged to get up once per hour and walk around the house a little bit. It is easy for elderly people to get involved for hours at a time with television, and varying the activities also has more mental stimulation.

The agitation, tension, and sundowners wandering can be alleviated by having some exercise, and many articles, studies and websites explain more about this.

It's important to get directions from medical personnel, especially physical therapists. Home Health Agencies who send nurses and therapists to the house, or physical therapists in a facility can give directions to the caregiver regarding the exercise.

If the person uses a walker or wheelchair we can still go for an outing and get exercise. I pull the wheelchair along behind someone who is using a walker if there is a chance the person will get too tired to walk. Sometimes a person who uses a wheelchair will have the footrests taken off for awhile and ride in the chair while pushing with the feet and pushing the wheels with their hands. Caregivers need to get directions and exercise routines from medical personnel.

The exercise routine time can be a relaxing and pleasant time for the frail elder and the caregiver. Combining exercise with outings can reduce stress and add a recreational activity to
the day.

5 Things You Didn't Know About Jigsaw Puzzles for Elders

I had a great time doing a puzzle of a black cat with a senior over the age of 95, who had her own black cat sitting on her lap. We used one of the puzzles with large pieces and easy vision pictures. Our snacks and beverages helped to make it a "puzzle party". Because arthritis in the hands is so common, as well as poor vision, the puzzles with large pieces and easy pictures to see are helpful for elderly seniors.

The puzzle had 100 pieces, which makes it quick and fun. Below is a list of five things caregivers might not know about doing jigsaw puzzles with seniors. With snacks and beverages a caregiver can start a "puzzle party" to add a highlight to the day for someone.

1. Choose a puzzle with extra large pieces that are easy for people with arthritis to handle.

2. A puzzle with a picture suited for people with low vision, that avoids small, intricate details will be easier to see.

3. A puzzle with only 100, or even 50 or 30 pieces will be easier for someone who has Alzheimer's or dementia to enjoy and finish.

4. Caregivers and seniors can start by separating the pieces with similar colors and designs into groups on a table. This step makes it easier for anyone, and especially for elderly seniors with Alzheimer's or dementia.

5. Choose a picture of something that will spark interest. One senior I assisted collected antique style dolls and she did a victorian dolls picture. Another did one that looked like her own cat. An elderly gentleman did one of vintage cars.

You can go to seniorstore.com to get ideas about puzzles. In my area the local "Dollar Store" always has a selection of puzzles in the games section, and for only a dollar each I can get several for variety.

Home and Garden TV Website Has Senior Crafts

Caregivers who want to find creative craft ideas for seniors can go to hgtv.com . Homemade toys, birdhouses, totebags, memory boxes, paper bag crafts, shoebox crafts and craft businesses are some of the topics covered in HGTV crafts.

My aunt, who uses a walker, has turned her spare room into a crafts studio. She started by making handmade keepsake greeting cards. Now she makes keepsake and heirloom items for craft bazaars.

For example, ten craft ideas caregivers could use for seniors include:

1. rubber stamps today include artistic themes, pictures and borders
2. scrapbooking helps preserve photos and keepsakes to nudge memories
3. memory boxes provide storage for family memorabilia
4. hand decorated picture frames add a home style touch to family photos
5. handmade holiday cards become instant keepsakes and can be framed
6. handpainted "suncatchers" are colorful plastic faux stained glass to hang in the window
7. hand decorated birdhouses with themes, for gifts or a business
8. using fabric paint to decorate towels, pillowcases, and table runners
9. dried flowers and leaves can be used for decoupage
10. photo collage with memorabilia

Reminiscing and Memories for Seniors and Caregivers

Reminiscing is an activity often enjoyed by seniors and recalling details from earlier in their lives can be good memory exercise.

Caregivers can share in the enjoyment as seniors tell stories about what it was like to cook in the kitchens of the 20's and 30's, or to drive the automobiles of that era.

When I ask seniors to describe the house where they grew up and the surrounding area there are always some interesting details.

Today we have fast food on almost every corner. Recently someone in his 70's said that he almost never had a meal with more than one type of food at a time during the depression, but whatever it was they had plenty of it. To this day he appreciates a plate with a wide variety and Hometown Buffet is his favorite place to eat.

One senior told me the story of living a long way down a dirt road on a dairy farm. Every morning at 4:30 a.m. the young couple milked about 24 dairy cows, and just as the sun was rising drove a wagon with a team of horses several miles to take the milk cans to a paved road where a truck picked up the milk. This was just the beginning of their day.

There is a magazine available called "Reminisce" that some of my caregiver clients and I have enjoyed reading and sharing.

When there is a stretch of quiet time you can always ask a question about what Christmas was like in the 1920's, or how people celebrated birthdays in the 30's.

One person described a Christmas tree the family had when they lived in a dry region and finances were low. The mother got some dried sage branches, sprayed them silver, and hung handsewn decorations on them. He said it was the prettiest tree he has ever seen, to this day.